Just an Ordinary Girl

If you have notice I haven’t posted in the pass few days and that’s because I’ve had writer’s block! Sucks I know because the more you post the more likely you’ll be seen! But lately I just haven’t had a single thing to talk about until last night. A few nights ago I had a heard from a person that use to know me well and he was telling me that he like my blog, as the conversation (and I use that term loosely seeing how i was half sleep and didn’t say much) went along he began to say that I don’t enjoy myself and I began to wonder what made him feel this way? Sure, I don’t much of anything that doesn’t involve school, work, or my son but does that mean that I wasn’t enjoying life?? Am I just that simple of a person that I really have become predictable?? Have I become that kind of person that has a daily routine or weekly one? Have I become so involved with the things that are suppose to be apart of my life that they have taken over my life completely? Sure I take sometimes have to take time off from school because I frankly forgot to get my classes in on time but even then I still don’t do anything with that time that I have since I’m not in class. I rather stay at home and spend time with my son, is that a bad thing? True enough  there are times that I want to go out and have a nice time but what is there to  do when you don’t like big crowds of people and don’t like crowded places? Then he asked me what am I really passionate about? Then it struck me, the only thing (outside of my family) that I am passionate about is my writing! I been writing since I was fifteen and it seems to be the one thing about me that hasn’t changed. Writing has always been my go to pastime, my outlet for rough times, and just the one thing that I can always do when I have time to myself. You see writing is the only time where things seem to complete sense to me. But I never share my writings for fear of rejection. I’m very sensitive about the feed back that I get about my writing because it’s about of me and if you don’t like my writing then you don’t like me. That’s how I’ve always felt about anything that I do or any thing that I put out there for the world to see. I’ve always been that type of person that keeps everything inside and I never share things, I never saw myself as anything more that an ordinary girl. People tell me that I’m good and things or that I’m beautiful and I smile and say thank you. When  really on the inside I just see and think of myself as very simple and ordinary. Nothing special to look at, just an okay person that gets by on the sweat of her brow. I sometimes I find it hard to take complements from some people because I feel like they are only saying it to not hurt my feelings. I mean I know it’s the saying if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all but it’s like don’t say something that you don’t mean either. I mean but that’s me, I feel how I feel and my opinion might not be right or you may feel a different way but this is who I am and well it’s not love lost if you don’t want to be around me. I’m okay with being alone, I don’t need to be around a bunch of people to make myself happy. But that’s what’s bee on my mind and that’s what I decided to write about, so until next time………..

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