Poor Heart……

What do you do when you know someone and things are going pretty well between the two of you and then things just stop out of the blue or the situation changes and now you have mixed feelings and emotions about a person. Like you feel like things should or could be better if things never changed or the sudden stop of whatever it was between the two of you never stopped for whatever reason that it did. But you also feel like when it stopped everything changed and nothing was the same(lol drake reference) but you can’t tell for sure if it’s still going to be the same as it was before or you have a totally different situation in front of you…….what if you decided to let your heart decide and even then you still can’t figure out how you should go about it, like do you put yourself in a situation where you could possibly get yourself hurt and looking stupid or it’s going to be back to the way it was before. 
How can you tell when you’re being paranoid or just cautious about getting hurt yet again, not knowing what someone’s intentions are is possibly the scariest thing that you can ever face no matter how good you think things are. Ill-willed intentions from one person and a willing person is a toxic mix. The kind of combinations that really messes with a persons thought process and ability to connect with people on that kind of level. How can you even approach a person with the feelings you’re facing and properly explain yourself when you don’t even know what’s going on and how you feel about it? How can it be cleared when you can’t even get a clear process in your own head.
Should you just let things flow and go as the please and deal with situations as they come about or should you man up or lady up and take the step towards figuring out what’s going on. Even the best of feelings can be wrong if they not shared. Knowing is the best thing even when it’s not what you want it to be, it’s still better than being led on by your own stubbornness and getting yourself into a situation where you hurt and feeling stupid when it could’ve all been avoided with a simple conversation that can make everything clear as day. But how do you go about starting that conversation when you really don’t know how you feel or if the other person is even feeling you like that and it’s really just all in your head. How can you avoid the embarrassment of putting yourself out there and it not even be as serious as you thought it was…….
Or could it just be you, could you be that kind of person that is just way to nice and ultimately taking advantage of or taken for granted…could it be that you’re expecting this to be a certain way because that’s how you are but they really not because the other person doesn’t have the same mindset as you do. You have this thing about you and you just care and feel too much too soon and the people that you give yourself to know this and use that against you and you just end up wondering why this always happen to you. How do you guard yourself for yourself? How can you not give that vibe off of “I care entirely too much” and still have the same experience without being taking advantage of…..

What makes things so difficult is not being able to separate feelings and facts getting to the root of all things with mixed emotions and 


Being the Bigger Person

In this day and age being the bigger person can be a challenge. With all the social media sites out throwing shad is so easy that it makes being a internet thug easy as pie. People like to put so much out on the internet to the point that you actually sit there and wonder why is this person putting all of this out there? When in real life we all know none of it is true! I find it funny that people what other people to be so impressed that they will post anything they think will get them respect. But they fail to realize that the people that actually know look at those things and know the truth about you. I’m going to get back to that a little later but when you post things that you got going on that you’re proud of there’s always going to be people that have negative things to say and sometimes those people are people you thought were your friends! They do what ever they can to bring you down and to throw all kinds of shad on your page and its like what do you do? It’s hard to be the bigger person when you know that you could easily say something to shut them up but why would you want to scoop to that level? It’s like everybody wants to be grown and be seen as an adult but the ones who are always posting and saying I’m grown, grown and sexy and I know it be the same ones who are always the ones who stay on social media starting drama or talking mess about other people. You see being an adult doesn’t come with age, it comes with mental maturity and a lot of people fail to realize that. People think that just because you are legally an adult in the sight of the government does not mean you are there mentally! What people fail to realize is the amount of things that you have or the fact that you have your own place at a certain age doesn’t make you grown! When in reality if you look at those people everything that have is threw the government(section 8, food stamps, etc.) which is nothing wrong with it but it becomes a problem when they take it out of hand. It becomes a problem when you broadcast what you can do with the extra money that you have since the government is paying for most of the things you should be taking care of. Being “grown” is a term people associate with age but being an adult comes when you are taking care of your business as a person. Therefore those people that call themselves grown may need to readjust them outlook on things and realize that they are legal but they aren’t fooling anybody when they say they are adults. When they sit on facebook and twitter waiting for some internet drama to pop up so they can start some drama with people who are working hard to  get to where they want to be in life. For the fact that there are people out here like that makes it hard for other people to be the bigger person and let things go. Because you already know that once you post just about anything you are going to have those who are going to come with the shady comments and be petty on what you post. Being the bigger person comes from being a mature person and a lot of people fail to realize that it doesn’t come with age but with experience in handling everyday life. Being the bigger person can be a challenge especially when you know things that can hurt that persons feelings  and shut them and stop them from posting anymore shady comments on your page. But choosing to take the high road shows that just because you can doesn’t mean you should, sometimes not saying something negative back is the best action you can take with those kinds of people. Growing and learning from life is way more fulfilling than holding on to certain things that have happen and stick with it. But not everyone knows that…………

Expectations vs. Reality 

When things and events come up we normally have an idea of how we think it should play out already in our heads and most of the time it doesn’t happen that way. And we are okay but what happens it does happen that way? Why do we get so up tight and kind of stand off-ish to the situation that we created in our minds? I know for a fact that this just happen to me the other day. A wedding was coming up and I was thinking that I was going to get dressed up all nice and look great and somebody was going to ask for my number that night! Well, that’s exactly what happen! The wedding came and I got dressed up all nice and everything and I guess I caught the eye of one of the groomsmen and just as I was getting to leave the reception he pulled me to the side (well it was more like escorted me to the side) and asked me for my number and instead of being flattered at the time I was freaked out like how you just gone pull me away like that and just cold out ask me for my number? But as I sat and  actually thought about it that what people do all the time. We always have some type of how things are suppose to be and when they happen that way, or close to that way, we panic and become stand off-ish. Instead if realizing that this is what we wanted to happen and accept the situation as is we feel sone type of way about it and make a big deal about it. You see, I didn’t expect it to happen and let alone in the fashion that it did but when I sat down and thought and thought I actually did want something like that to happen and the fact that it happened while I was leaving  just shows that I was an opportunity that couldn’t be missed (sounds a like bit conceited but whatever). We never realize that what we want to happen never actually happens the exact way that we thought it should but sometimes it does happen. We think that it should happen the way that we want it or it’s not going to happen at all! Which is pretty messed up because nobody can read our thoughts so how can it happen the exact way you want it when no one knows how it do it. We get caught up in our thoughts and in our own minds that we forget that not everything is going to happen the way that you wanted, when you want it, or ever where you wanted it to happen. Life never works out the way that we want it, if it did we then it wouldn’t be life it’d be a plan. But that’s the fun of life not knowing how things are gong to play out having to go with the flow of things. That’s what makes life a challenge, facing what’s in front of you and finding away to deal with and overcoming it. I mean it’s cool to have expectations to what you want to happen but at the same time don’t let that get in the way of you having fun and getting things done. Stop worrying so much about what you think that should happen and start focusing what’s happening in the here and now and enjoy life!

Early Life Crisis

I had this idea to start a blog a few days ago and I had absolutely no idea what it should be about, what to call it, or what sort of topics I would ever write about. But then it hit me, it didn’t matter what kinds of things it was as long it was of interest to me, after all this is my blog right? It’s only as hard as you make it, and todayI’m blogging about nothing per say just things that have been on my mind for some time now. I’m calling it an early life crisis, basically it’s being young and being stressed out about not having under control let alone knowing what is even going on. It’s no fun, its kind of sucks actually because you know you have time to get things together but you feel like you’re too old not to know where you’re going in life, or at least that’s how I feel. I been in school what seems like forever and it seems like I’m nowhere near close to having a degree, I’m a single mother to a 1 year boy that’s about as smart as a 4 year old, and I lost my job two months ago and I have been able to find anything since. I’m not a factory kind of person, I mean its good money but they barley have time to do anything other than eat and sleep. With my never ending quest for my degree and my son that’s not going to happen! In the mean time while all of that is happening there is the constant urge to still be young and go out and have fun. Being social is a job in itself, or maybe I’m just really bad with people, who knows. Maybe I’m the type of person that doesn’t really care for going out but likes to do things for time to time. I know that I don’t care for the club or concerts because I hate crowded places, so you won’t see me in the club every weekend trying to get in free before 11.  But then there’s dating, and that…..that is just difficult. I mean there’s a  lot to it you have to find someone, find common interest, get to know them, spend time together and then even then sometimes it works out and sometimes it does. In my case it doesn’t and that’s not okay because what’s the point of spending all that time together just for it not to work out??? Sure it’s a “learning experience” and I get that but at the same time it’s like that time I could have put towards other things or trying to get things in a  better place for myself and give myself some much needed mommy time. Why can’t there just be a way to know if that person is worth my time or not maybe sometime app to search up their name and come across the results in the palm of my hand. It’ll go something like “yeah girl, he’s a keeper” or “run far far away girl he’s no good”. So simple and so easy and no time wasted! Sadly that is not how it works, you just have to go out on the limp and hope for the best.